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[23 Aug 2006|11:43am] |
wow
I wish I could go to college.
I wish I could do anything but be right here.
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| hold on, cause the coldest hasn't thawed yet |
[22 Aug 2006|11:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
yeah yeah yeah's 'the sweets' |
] |
I feel like there's an elephant sitting on my chest.
Spectacular.
I'm in over my head with a lot of shit right now. I have a million people around me constantly asking for things I can't supply. I need to write a metal song about how I'm dead inside. I don't even have money to cover my own bills and rent, let alone anything recreational. I'm just drained...emotionally, physically & financially. I'm ready for a vacation. And when I get back - I'll be ready to go to college.
And I really wish I didn't only want the girl who never calls...
time to take a shower and get some coffee on.
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| nothing hurts like nothing at all |
[07 Jul 2006|08:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ani |
] |
It just all slips away so slowly
you don't even notice till you've lost a lot
I've been like one of those zombies in vegas
pouring quarters into a slot
and now i'm tired and i am broke
and i feel stupid and i feel used
and i'm at the end of my little rope
and i am swinging back and forth about you
before it gets so cold that the rain turns to snow
there's just a couple things i'd like to know
like how could you do nothing
and say, i'm doing my best?
how could you take almost everything
and then come back for the rest?
how could you beg me to stay,
reach out your hands and plead
and then pack up your eyes and run away
as soon as I agreed
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| you never know when the rain is coming |
[25 Jun 2006|02:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
rhcp |
] |
Tonight I played a show for approximately 8 people and the whole time I was sweating really bad and not really paying attention to how I was playing...instead I was listening to how horrible it sounded.
I was thinking about how much work I did to get there and set everything up.
how it probably wasn't worth it...You know, how my hands and arms feel raw from lifting PA equipment up and down stairs all afternoon...and how I spent $20 on gas to get there, then $10 just to park.
And how at the end of the night, Mariam and I were each handed a ten dollar bill.
And I guess it's just really sad for me...playing shows and writing songs used to be my favorite things to do. Now it's all just a hassle. It's not fun anymore...it just feels like work.
I'm just depressed.
I want to know what happened to the good times.
And why can't I write a fucking song to save my life?
Maybe it's because I don't know how I feel about anything anymore; all the colors just bleed into one.
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| Counting numbered days |
[05 Jun 2006|05:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 energetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the eels |
] |
Well I just got home from work. Today was really stupid and slow...accept that Leah had her interview today and starts on monday. FUCK YEAH LEAH D! (I can only hope they make boy-repellent spray. If ugly ass bitches like denise and I get asked out from guys at work, leah's bout to have some problems.) hahaha
This weekend made me realise so much about myself. I completely let go...I drank a bunch of captains and did so many crazy things in one night. I broke a chair and ripped apart an orange in my kitchen. I ran in the rain with just my socks on...I laid on the front lawn and looked at the stars. (I really don't remember if there were actually stars, but it sounds better that way.) And lastly, I confessed how I really felt. And I finally got an honest answer in return.
So here I am today, ready to move on with my life. Not necessarily because I want to, but because I know thats what has to be done...
In bed tonight I was thinking
And listening to all the dogs
And the sirens and the shots
And how a careful man tries to dodge the bullets
While a happy man takes a walk
And maybe it's time to live
Good news: I got a message from this A&R place in Hollywood. They're interested in hooking me up with a label, or possibly featuring one of my songs on a tv show or something. =)
To those of you who are unsure...that means fat cash for me.
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[26 May 2006|12:37pm] |
What wasted unconditional love
On somebody who doesn't believe in the stuff
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| WHAT DO YOU DO |
[26 May 2006|01:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
coldplay |
] |
when the amount of money you OWE suddenly exceeds the amount of money you MAKE by 250%.
and the girl you love the most
leaves town without even telling you first.
I really want to die.
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| so much to say but nothing comes out right |
[05 May 2006|01:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radiohead |
] |
If just keep telling myself the glass is half-full,
something good will happen soon.
Being optimistic is hard when everything in your life suggests that you think otherwise.
Somewhere in this everyday there is an epiphany...
I'm waiting for it to happen,
and when it comes to me i'll be ready for it.
And if I even have a reason,
it's you.
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| mic check 1-2 |
[19 Apr 2006|10:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the format |
] |
I met stevie wonder today.
he bought a harmonica.
crazy? ...I think so.
Now I'm eating a tv dinner and wondering what stevie ate tonight.
Whatever it was...I'm sure it was better than this.
seriously, this shit is disgusting.
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|
[15 Apr 2006|04:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tegan and sara...yes, because im gay |
] |
God I should really sleep.
But my mind is racing once again. I have huge plans for tomorrow and the day after that. And 13 days after this my life is going to be amazing. Seriously, I can't wait for college kids to be done for summer.
I had so much fucking fun tonight... it was just uncalled for. I felt like I had so many reasons to celebrate...the first REALLY nice day, leah coming home, work, etc...AHHH Guitar center is seriously great. It's really challenging but I love it...it's a reason to wake up early...dress to impress and be social. I'm usually so withdrawn and stuck inside of my head, but this job has forced me to be outgoing...and it's been really good for me.
I miss you rachel! Tomorrow night I want to have a party. It'll be an easter party...egg hung and all. Kyle and swando built a bar...it's only half finished...but huge and absolutely incredible in every way.
22111 ridgeway is now accepting applications for bowtied bartenders and waitstaff.
Inquire within.
Thanks for reading all this garbage.
I'm gonna crash out on my couch now.
goodnight everyone
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| ramble |
[09 Apr 2006|11:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sonic youth |
] |
I was just driving and listening to OK Computer thinking about everything twice, three times, four times over...I've decided that I need to be locked in a room filled with looseleaf paper a guitar and one of my fancy pilot pens I use at work for a day or two. I have a lot of bottled emotions right now, a lot of things I need to say, but not an ear to listen...and no time to project either.
I'm getting compliments and only half-believing that they're true. I'm confident and embarrassed. I'm lonely and I like it...but I feel like if someone so much as looks at me the wrong way I'll probably shatter.
Inhale exhale through another day of new experiences, I know my outlook is changing. I feel like I'm looking at myself through a telescope on another planet. I'm just a spectator, watching my thoughts bounce off imaginary walls. I'm stepping back and looking at my subconscious mind and wondering what the hell is really going on with me. I don't have any idea how I feel, because as soon as I feel something I talk myself out of it. But I never necessarily talk myself into the exact opposite feeling...I just talk myself right back to the middle. Back to square one...standing on a fucking fence. Waiting to lose my footing and fall in either direction once again. Brace for impact.
This hurts like hell.
It's okay, 50% of me still walks around believing that everything will be fine.
Am I schizo?
and right now I'm so tired I'm practically delirious.
I have to go to bed...another 8 hour day at guitar center awaits...
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[07 Apr 2006|03:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
everytime i die. haha |
] |
I'm getting this tomorrow. :)
JIMI you should really come over soon and play.
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| um i got tagged. |
[05 Apr 2006|07:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
kaki king |
] |
So the rules are, once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 "weird facts/things/habits about yourself", saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs
val and katie tagged me.
1)I'm the most pensive person you've ever met...and the most sensitive, too.
2)I'm terrified of "coming out" to my dad.
3)If I don't "make it" with music, my 2nd dream is to be a cinematographer.
4)I dont want to date. I want to settle down.
5)My ideal breakfast is: scrambled eggs & hashbrowns with feta cheese, 2 pancakes, coffee, OJ. Perfecto.
6)I'm secretly in love with crystal's mom. haha
...and i dont know who to tag because everyone else already did this.
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[30 Mar 2006|12:40am] |
Right now I feel like I'm standing on a fence, with uncertainty on each side of me
it's right or left, up or down, backwards forwards
i have no direction
i'm 50/50
It's choosing between consciousness and actually living,
Whats real and what is fake
it's like being blindfolded at an intersection.
what the hell am I even talking about anyway
shut up elise
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| i'd rather be angry. anything but this. |
[29 Mar 2006|12:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tegan and sarah |
] |
Call the bomb squad.
There's a stick of dynamite lodged in my chest, i'm going to explode. Elise guts everywhere.
C major to D minor
over and over and over
you've heard it 10,000 times.
I keep thinking this is probably just a bad dream that I'll wake up from eventually. Everythings foggy and I've been far from sober these last few days...I dont sleep so I'm practically delerious... Just moping around like a fuckin idiot... occasionally laughing too hard at nothing.
I hate myself.
In fact, if I were you, I'd probably beat me up.
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| this is so hard |
[28 Mar 2006|02:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 undecided |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radiohead |
] |
The tornado came
I ran and ran but it swallowed me whole
we sang along but the music couldn't last forever.
encore.
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[23 Mar 2006|01:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tv |
] |
happy fuckin birthday, val.
you're the shit, my sistaaa!
If they can't see us
then they dont know.
And the next order of business:
Bangkok Cuisine, 119
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